oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
