Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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