pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
