I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
