So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
