walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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