I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
