The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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