I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
