he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
