Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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