need another drink. this is the easiest way
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
did i just pee glitter
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
