I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
