i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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