whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
