Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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