..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
