You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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