What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
