So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
