I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
