u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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