the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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