New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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