DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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