I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
