Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
this just has baby written all over it
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
