I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
