I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
wow bdsm is so cute
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
