tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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