I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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