the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
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You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
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We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize