If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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