yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
