Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
