THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
