Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
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Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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