You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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