i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
