just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
