It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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