the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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