No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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