Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She tied me up with her honor cords...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
