what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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