listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
