You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
