I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize