how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
