one word: firstdatebathroomanal
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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