you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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