nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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