Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
