My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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