I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
