I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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