There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
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The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
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My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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