i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
There are leaves in my underwear?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
