Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
