Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
