If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
