a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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