1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
