Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
