ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
