I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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