I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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