Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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