the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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