I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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