Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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