No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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