It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
