I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
