There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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